"Before You Hit the Point of No Return: There’s Always Another Way"
I am ashamed to admit that early in my career, I was one of those people who looked at others struggling with mental health and thought, That could never be me. I believed resilience was simply a matter of willpower, that those who faltered were somehow weaker, less capable. I didn’t understand what it meant to carry the weight of trauma day after day, to feel the cracks forming but still push through because asking for help felt like an admission of failure. Back then, I didn’t see the warning signs in others—or myself. It was easier to turn away, to chalk it up to the job, to assume we were all just fine. I was wrong. And the cost of that misunderstanding haunts me still today.
Fortunately, I recognized the point of no return in my mental health and found the strength to claw my way out of the darkness. But that journey came at a cost—a heavy one, the kind most people would struggle to accept. It meant confronting parts of myself I had buried for years, letting go of the image of invincibility I had clung to, and admitting that I couldn’t carry it all alone. It was a sacrifice I never expected to make, but one that ultimately saved me.
For years, I struggled to find the words to explain my “bad” experiences. No matter how hard I tried, nothing fully captured what it felt like to be drowning under the weight of depression, anxiety, and PTSD. So, I stayed silent. I shoved it all down, pretending it wasn’t there, until one day, I reached an impasse—one with life-or-death consequences. There was no pause, no reset button to catch my breath. In that moment, I had to make a choice—one that would shape the rest of my life, for better or worse. I had no more time to waste because my time was up.
You’ll have to wait for the book (coming next year—hopefully—if I survive the editing process) to get the full, behind-the-scenes scoop on what brought me to this blog tonight. Trust me; it’s a real page-turner—packed with awkward realizations, questionable coping mechanisms, and enough existential crises to keep a therapist employed for years. I promise no stone will be left unturned, and no cringe-worthy moment will be spared. And the best part? You get to experience it all from the safety and comfort of your favorite reading spot without having to live through any of the chaos yourself. Hopefully, it will help shed some light on the stigma of mental health in our first responder community, and encourage others to come forward and tell their story. In the end, that is what saved me.
So, you’re probably wondering what I mean by the point of no return. Let’s not dance around it—the obvious answer is suicide, right? Yep, I’m just throwing that little bombshell out there right at the start. Why ease into the conversation when you can dive headfirst into the deep end of discomfort? The ultimate point of no return—cheery, isn’t it?
For some, the thought of suicide—or even having a plan—becomes their point of no return. Tragically, the intrusive thoughts of self-harm during a mental health crisis are all too real, and my heart aches for those who feel this is their only escape. I’ve walked that dark path before, and while the idea of ending the pain may seem appealing in the moment, the truth is, that no one truly wins in the end.
Take a moment to think about it: who is most affected by a suicide? In my twenty-six years of experience—having witnessed and investigated more suicides than I can count—the answer is heartbreakingly simple. It’s those left behind. The family, the friends, the colleagues. Suicide creates a devastating ripple effect, one that spreads far and wide, leaving scars that can last for generations. It’s a pain that never fully goes away, and the impact it leaves is immeasurable.
I once read an article about a man who jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge after a long battle with depression and mental illness. At that moment, he believed it was the only way to end his pain. Yet, as he was plummeting 220 feet toward the water, he was struck with an overwhelming realization: he wished he hadn’t jumped. Miraculously, he survived and lived to tell his story—a powerful reminder that suicide is not the answer. His experience serves as a testament to the fact that even in the darkest moments, there is hope, and the decision to end one’s life is not irreversible until it’s too late.
Side note, in case you don’t believe me, here is his story: https://kevinhinesstory.com
So, if you find yourself teetering on the edge of the point of no return, how can you pull yourself back before it’s too late?
Now, I’m not a therapist (shocking, I know), but after my little excursion to the point of no return, I spent a significant amount of time Googling, reading books, and trying to prepare myself to talk about it openly one day. One thing I can tell you for sure: there is no one-size-fits-all answer to this, and anyone who promises you a quick fix is probably just looking to make a quick buck. So, save your money, and maybe try talking to a real professional instead of falling for the latest self-help fad on Kindle Unlimited. I know you’ve been diving into random late-night searches when you can’t sleep, convincing yourself it’s to help you sleep.
So, here is some free advice:
Reach out to someone: Whether it’s a friend, family member, or therapist, talking to someone can make a world of difference. Let them know you’re struggling. You don’t have to explain everything at once, but just sharing that you're in pain can create a lifeline (I know, because it saved me).
Give yourself permission to pause: It’s easy to get overwhelmed and feel like everything has to be decided right now. Take a step back, breathe, and give yourself the time and space to think things through. Crisis moments pass, and sometimes just waiting can offer a new perspective.
Focus on the small things: When everything feels impossible, the smallest things can feel like mountains. Try to do something simple—eat a meal, take a shower, walk outside. Tiny acts of self-care can break up the overwhelming weight of your emotions.
Remember, you are not alone: As hard as it may seem, many others have walked through this darkness and come out the other side. It might not feel like it, but there is help available, and things can get better, even if it's hard to believe that right now.
Call a helpline: In moments of crisis, you don’t need to go through it alone. If none of the above works… use Helplines, like the Suicide Prevention Lifeline, which are available 24/7 to offer support and help you navigate the overwhelming emotions. CALL: 988 to connect with help. YOU ARE NOT IN THIS ALONE!
If you're still reading, it means you care about this topic and want to understand how to cope with it better. Suicide is never an easy subject to talk about, but the hard truth is that sometimes we forget just how much we matter to the people around us. Take a moment to think about the impact you have on others—whether it's in your role as a first responder or in your personal life. Your presence, your actions, and your words matter more than you might realize.
I want you to pause for a moment and take a good look at your life. What are you grateful for? Who brings a smile to your face when the world feels heavy? Do you look forward to your dog greeting you at the door after a long day? Or, if you're a cat person, does your cat stare at you from the window, silently judging you as you return to their domain? What truly makes you happy? Take a moment to remember those things.
Even in the darkest times, find that small glimmer of hope and let it grow. Let it be the spark that gives you the courage to speak up when you’re struggling. You never know that one thought could be the reason you step back from the edge and reach out for the help you deserve.
Or, you could leap, literally, and then halfway down have that “oops, this was a bad idea” moment. Actually, please don’t… you might not be as lucky and never have a chance to realize the purpose of your life.
As always, watch over each other and stay safe. -Dr. M
