So, you’re a first responder, and life has thrown you a curveball. You’re feeling like hope is on a permanent vacation—who will catch you when you take a tumble? What about those who pledge their loyalty, only to forget your number when you disappear into desperation? Sound familiar? Let’s pause for a second and take stock of your life. Who do you trust when the going gets tough? Do you even know where to turn? Unfortunately, many first responders would rather brave a hurricane in flip-flops than reach out for support. Why’s that? Well, sit tight; I’ll shed some light on this conundrum that is plaguing our service.
Let’s face it: when it comes to first responders, asking for help can feel as awkward as trying to do a dance-off at a wedding after too many cocktails. So why do many first responders hesitate to step in when a coworker is struggling with mental health issues?
After twenty-six years of service, here is what I think:
The “Superhero” Complex
First responders are trained to save the day, not to show vulnerability. It’s like they’re secretly wearing capes under their uniforms, convinced that if they let a single tear slip, their superpowers might short-circuit. “If I admit I’m feeling down… what if my cape flies off and I accidentally float away?” But here’s the kicker: no matter the title, we are still human on the inside. You can run from your emotions, or worse, do what I did for years and just push them down like an inflatable beach ball—until it popped up at the most inconvenient time. What’s the result of this superhero facade? The “superhero” turns into a shell of their former self, unable to protect others—or even themselves. And trust me, a cape-less superhero isn’t much good at saving the day! Or, worse, saving themselves. So, when you see a brother or sister first responder struggling, leave the cape at home and show some empathy. Take the time to sit with them and just listen. Be present. Be human. Be considerate that it takes a lot to speak up.
Fear of the ‘V’ Word
Vulnerability can feel scarier than facing down a raging inferno. Many first responders think, “If I admit I’m struggling, I’ll be the next headline in the ‘Did you hear what happened to John?’ stories around the station.” And let’s be real—nobody wants to be the punchline of a joke about their mental health! So, how do you bring up the “Hey, something seems off” conversation with a coworker? In my experience, you’ve got to go at it head-on. The more you tiptoe around the topic, the more awkward it gets—kind of like trying to dance with two left feet at a wedding (sorry, I am on a dance kick tonight). Just remember the old government slogan: “See something, say something.” So, if you notice your buddy is acting off, don’t just stand there like a deer in headlights—ask them what's up! After all, it’s way better than hearing your coworker took their life because you didn’t have the intestinal fortitude to ask them if they needed help.
The ‘Suck It Up’ Culture
This one gets under my skin, and I have zero tolerance for it. Why? Because I’ve been there, done that, and almost didn’t make it out the other side. Sure, there’s a time to “suck it up” and push through, but when it comes to mental health, that’s never the answer. Unfortunately, there’s this unwritten rule that to be tough, you’ve got to suck it up and soldier on. “I can handle a four-alarm fire, but can I handle the emotional fallout from my last call? Better grab a drink and act like everything’s peachy!” (don’t do that; it never leads to good things). So, if you catch yourself saying this to a fellow first responder, do everyone a favor—bow out of the conversation and let someone else take your place. Trust me, it’ll save you from being the next punchline in a “Did you hear what happened to John?” story!
Lack of Know-How
I think we could all use a little work on how we approach mental health in the first-responder world. Whether it’s during initial training or as a refresher, this topic should be part of our regular rotation. Why? Because, in my experience, the more you talk about it, the smaller the problem becomes. Ignore it, and it’s like a fire smoldering under the surface—it’ll eventually blow up and cause some serious damage! Now, not everyone is trained on how to chat about mental health, especially in a field where discussing feelings can feel like performing surgery without anesthesia. “Do I say, ‘Hey, how are you feeling?’ or do I just nod awkwardly and offer them a coffee?” Spoiler alert: awkward nodding rarely solves anything! So, let’s get comfortable with the uncomfortable and make mental health a regular topic of conversation. Your future self will thank you!
While these reasons highlight the challenges first responders face when it comes to supporting each other, it’s essential to remember that it’s okay to ask for help and to offer it. After all, even superheroes need a sidekick sometimes! So, let’s work on breaking down those barriers—you never know when you could be a lifeline.
Let’s work together to mend our safety net and create a soft landing platform for our brothers and sisters. After all, you never know when you might be the one in need, and without that support, it could make all the difference in the world.
Stay safe, and as always, watch over each other. -Dr. M
