It’s been a wild few weeks, and I haven’t had a second to get back to the blog. Why, you ask? Because I’ve been busy surviving the literary equivalent of a Tough Mudder. That’s right—I spent the last month and a half editing my first book (Pushing It Down, A Memoir)! After four years of writing, rewriting, and questioning my life choices, it’s finally done. It drained me, but I’m hoping it’ll make a difference for someone struggling with mental health or addiction.
Tonight, let’s take a break from unpacking my struggles and inner demons (because, honestly, they’ve had enough airtime) and shift gears to the idea of risk-taking. Case in point: publishing a memoir about my struggles and childhood trauma. A bold move, right? Even as I type this, I’m wondering if this risk is a little too bold—like jumping out of a plane with a parachute you think you packed correctly. But hey, sometimes you’ve got to leap and hope it opens!
In the fire service, "risk" is like the awkward uncle at Thanksgiving—no one wants to talk about him, but he’s always there. Instead, we hide it behind catchy phrases like, "calculated decisions" or "strategic action." (Spoiler: it's still a risk.) Let’s be honest—life is full of risks, but how we approach them makes all the difference. So, let’s dive into that...but not too recklessly, of course.
So, my question tonight is this: Why do we hesitate to take the risk of speaking up when we see a fellow firefighter struggling with their mental health? I mean, we’ll run into burning buildings without a second thought, but having an honest conversation about feelings? That’s apparently where we draw the line. It’s like, “I can carry you out of a five-alarm blaze, but asking if you’re okay? Whoa, that’s risky business.”
Well, after almost twenty-seven years of answering the calls for help, I think I might have some insight into this matter.
Fear of Overstepping: People worry they’ll invade someone’s privacy or make the situation worse by bringing it up.
Stigma: Despite growing awareness, mental health issues can still carry a stigma, especially in high-stress, "tough guy/gal" professions like firefighting.
Uncertainty About What to Say: Many people genuinely don’t know how to approach the topic or fear saying the wrong thing.
Cultural Norms: In environments like firehouses, there’s often a “suck it up” culture, which can discourage vulnerability or emotional conversations.
Personal Discomfort: Talking about mental health can be awkward or uncomfortable, especially if someone hasn’t dealt with these issues themselves.
Fear of Rejection: People may worry their concerns will be dismissed or met with hostility, making them hesitant to speak up.
Belief Someone Else Will Handle It: A common excuse—assuming someone else will step in to help.
What’s ironic is that the same people who won’t hesitate to risk their lives in a fire will hesitate to risk an awkward conversation. But those conversations could make all the difference.
Well, I can’t in good faith leave you here at this point and tell you everything you are doing wrong. So, here are some ways you can start the conversation if you suspect someone is struggling:
Keep It Casual:
“Hey, you’ve seemed a little off lately. Is everything okay?”
“I noticed you’ve been quieter than usual. What’s going on?”
Use Observations, Not Judgments:
“I’ve noticed you’ve been staying late a lot or looking tired. Is something on your mind?”
“You seemed upset after that last call. Do you want to talk about it?”
Lean on Shared Experiences:
“I’ve had some tough times myself, so I know how hard it can be. How are you holding up?”
“After that last call, I’ve been feeling a little off. How about you?”
Ask Open-Ended Questions:
“How’s everything going with you lately?”
“What’s been on your mind these days?”
Offer Support:
“I’m here if you ever need to talk.”
“You don’t have to go through this alone—let me know how I can help.”
Use Humor (When Appropriate):
“You okay, or do we need to stage a firehouse intervention? I’ve got snacks ready.”
“You seem stressed—did the coffee machine break, or is it something bigger?”
Be Direct if Needed:
“I’m worried about you. Are you struggling with something right now?”
“It seems like you’ve been dealing with a lot lately. Are you okay?”
The key is to create a safe, non-judgmental space where they feel comfortable opening up. You don’t need all the answers—just being there to listen can make a huge difference.
Now, if you’re still with me and haven’t bailed on the blog yet, I get it—some of those phrases were a bit cheesy. You probably rolled your eyes so hard you saw the back of your head. That’s fine! Just know you can rephrase them however you want. Make it sound less like a Hallmark card and more like you. The important thing is starting the conversation, not nailing the script!
I’m sure you’re all going to rush to read my book (*click here—go ahead, I’ll wait*), so let me give you a little spoiler: one thing that worked in my favor was... speaking up. Yeah, I know, it’s about as appealing as running laps in full turnout gear, but trust me—the reward is worth it. It’s tough, but so is climbing ladders, and you all make that look easy, right?
As always, stay safe and watch over each other. -Dr. M
